Hello and happy Friday! Today’s post has nothing to do with running and a whole lot to do with all kinds of other things! I’ve been meaning to post something like this for a while but it never seemed like the right time. I just wasn’t ready and became okay with letting people jump to their own conclusions. Being a blogger is hard. You choose to put yourself out there and people become invested in your life. It’s kind of weird but we all do it, right? When something changes, people want to know why. There is such a fine line that I feel like I am constantly trying to balance on. What do I make public? What do I keep private? If you don’t share enough, you’re boring. If you share too much, you open up the doors for criticism.
So here is a bit about what went down a couple of years ago and why my blog became a little less personal. This post has been in my draft folder for a while now and I’m not sure why I’ve been hesitant to hit ‘publish’…but here goes.
I dated someone for almost 10 years. TEN YEARS. He made appearances on the blog all. the. time. We did absolutely everything together and he naturally just became a part of my daily content. When I started this blog, I had no idea that there would ever be a time that him and I wouldn’t be together…but then that time came and I had no idea what to do/talk about/share on the blog. It’s been almost two years since we split and although it was a bit of an emotional roller coaster at first, I am in a really good place right now and feel comfortable enough to talk about it.
I’m not going to get into details about why we split but most of it had to do with the fact that we had different ideas of where we wanted our relationship to go. People are constantly changing, evolving, growing…and while we may have been on the same page once upon a time, that was no longer the case. It was a really hard reality to accept but I think we both knew that neither of us would be happy if we continued on as we were. I will never say that it was a bad relationship, it was just not the right relationship (if that makes any sense).
The first year was incredibly difficult for me. I found myself feeling completely lost and alone. I was turning 30 and single for the first time in a very long time. I realized that I had tied so much of my happiness and self-worth to my relationship and I didn’t know how to move forward. All of my friends were either engaged, married or having babies…and here I was trying to figure out how to piece my life back together. Part of me was jealous because I felt like I “should” have been planning these things too (not so much the babies lol but maybe a wedding).
I didn’t want to be in another relationship for a while. I honestly didn’t even know how I could be with anyone else. The idea of starting over really scared me and I avoided it for a while. Looking back, this was the best thing for me. I spent a lot of time taking care of myself, learning how to be alone again and becoming both comfortable and confident with who I was. I found happiness and for the first time ever, it wasn’t tied to anyone or anything. I was just truly happy.
Last year I finally decided to put myself out there and had some pretty discouraging dating experiences. I know there are men and women out there that absolutely love being single and going on first date after first date. I quickly realized that I am not one of those people so I threw in the towel pretty quickly. I was done…but in that short-lived dating process, I did learn a lot about what I did/didn’t want in a potential relationship. Agatha wrote a great post on dating that had me nodding my head. Go have a read! #byefelicia
Anyway, I decided that if I was finally happy and comfortable being alone, then that’s exactly what I was going to do. Would it be nice to have someone to do life with? Sure. But I was okay with what my life looked like and have never been one to force anything that isn’t meant to happen.
Life is kinda funny though. As soon as I got to this place of acceptance, things completely changed for me. No quote has ever been more true:
So as hard as the post-breakup year was, I wouldn’t change a thing. I’d re-live all the chaos and shed the same amount of tears because it got me to where I am now. I am a strong believer in having things happen for a reason. All of the bad moments and hard days make us stronger and help us to appreciate the great moments in life. All you have to do is keep moving forward and try not to compare yourself or your relationships to those around you. I’ll admit that I used to do it all the time but I have gotten a lot better. We are all on our own path and there is no timeline or deadline as to when things “should” happen.
I have never felt so grateful or lucky in my entire life. With that being said, as much as I want to share some things about my personal life on here, I’m going to hold off for now. I’m still trying to navigate my way through all of this and it just isn’t the right time. As a blogger, I have to be a bit more conscious and I want to go about things the right way. What I will say is that everything is falling into place for me and it feels pretty good.
Anyway, it’s been a long time coming and I just felt like I could finally talk about it. I hope that answers some questions and sort of explains the vagueness that’s been going on around here. Huge thanks to everyone who has reached out and to those of you who have sent really sweet messages lately. I really appreciate it!
Hope you have a great Friday and weekend!